"Dude, no chest butt?? WTF?"

"Crap, I think we just missed The Bachelor. I'm setting an alarm on my watch for next week."

*Argh!! I hate it when I get a fit of the giggles in the middle of a funeral!*

*I cannot BELIEVE I left my milk duds in the car. It's so hard to sit through this shit without a snack. I hate myself. I. hate. myself.*

"No, Mr. President. I already told you I don't have 9 trillion dollars to loan you. Sorry."

"Ok God, seriously, I'll give you a hug AND a kiss if you'll just bump my approval rating up to 50%!"

*If I had X-ray vision, I would be able to see who has Cheetos in their pocket. Damn it! I could be snacking right NOW!*

Jazz hands!

"No seriously, who's the jokester? Why were my running shorts in my pocket instead of my speech?"

*I HATE it when I get Skittles stuck in my teeth. It's always the green ones. and ALWAYS in the middle of a damn press conference!*

*This dude is NOT getting away before I get my photo op!*

*Laura just doesn't know what she's talking about. My hairdresser did a great job of creating the "intelligent and regal, yet humble and brave" look I requested.*