*Condi said I needed to start looking more intelligent and less like I'm thinking about chimichangas all the time. I wonder if this new look is working. I bet it is. I bet I look FIERCELY intelligent right now.*

**Note to self: I need to work on perfecting my reaction to questions I don't understand**

"Two handed arm wrestling?! Do you even know the rules? Whatever bitch, I'll beat you anyway!"

"Ok, quick question. Is anyone else as freaked out by this guy's googly eyes as I am? I really can't work like this."

*This is definitely the most action I've gotten since that day 6 years ago when I asked Laura why she always has a boy haircut*

"Dude, no chest butt?? WTF?"

"Crap, I think we just missed The Bachelor. I'm setting an alarm on my watch for next week."

*Argh!! I hate it when I get a fit of the giggles in the middle of a funeral!*

*I cannot BELIEVE I left my milk duds in the car. It's so hard to sit through this shit without a snack. I hate myself. I. hate. myself.*

"No, Mr. President. I already told you I don't have 9 trillion dollars to loan you. Sorry."

"Ok God, seriously, I'll give you a hug AND a kiss if you'll just bump my approval rating up to 50%!"

*If I had X-ray vision, I would be able to see who has Cheetos in their pocket. Damn it! I could be snacking right NOW!*

Jazz hands!

"No seriously, who's the jokester? Why were my running shorts in my pocket instead of my speech?"

*I HATE it when I get Skittles stuck in my teeth. It's always the green ones. and ALWAYS in the middle of a damn press conference!*

*This dude is NOT getting away before I get my photo op!*

*Laura just doesn't know what she's talking about. My hairdresser did a great job of creating the "intelligent and regal, yet humble and brave" look I requested.*

"Seriously, Larry. The article said I can be a little flamboyant at times. I don't get it either!"

"See, I told you it was possible to take off your underwear without removing your pants!"

*Who was the bastard who created turtlenecks??? I should have a great view right now, and I can't see ANYTHING!*

*Why did I try to hide all the jellybeans in my cheeks?! Why oh whyyyy didn't I put them in my pocket!! What the hell am I supposed to do now???*

"Larry, you're such an airhead. I thought I told you this shirt was dry clean ONLY!"

*I KNEW I would lose it if she said DUTY one more time!!!*

*Crap! Another question I can't answer. What do I do... what do I do?? I know! Everyone loves Popeye, right?? YES! I don't know why I didn't think of this before!*

*I wonder why Britney got botox? If you just push your lips out a little, they look just as good. Actually, they probably look even BETTER. I wish I had a mirror right now. I wonder if I can sneak away to the bathroom for a minute. SHIT! I think someone just asked me a question!*

"See, if you stand at just the right angle, you can look up Condi's skirt when she's climbing the stairs!!"

"YES, yes that's her! Now quit pointing, you'll give us away!"

"LOL! Who, me?? I didn't start the Iraq war! Ross Perot did! Get your facts straight!"

BLUE STEEL

*Wow, I didn't think he'd enjoy the booty slap THAT much*